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SINGLE MOTHER AND WHAT IT MEANS.

Aziza Nigeria

In this post we will be looking at the meaning of single mother, positive and negative effect of single parenting and Parental concerns.

INTRODUCTION.

Since 1950, the number of one-parent families has increased substantially. In 1970, about 11 percent of children lived in single-parent families. During the 1970s, divorce became much more common, and the number of families headed by one parent increased rapidly. The number peaked in the 1980s and then declined slightly in the 1990s. By 1996, 31 percent of children lived in single-parent families. In 2002, the number was 28 percent. Many other children have lived in single-parent families for a time before their biological parent remarried, when they moved into a two-parent family with one biological parent and one step parent. The reasons for single-parent families have also changed. In the mid-twentieth century, most single-parent families came about because of the death of a spouse. In the 1970s and 1980s, most single-parent families were the result of divorce. In the early 2000s, more and more single parents have never married. Many of these single parents live with an adult partner, sometimes even the unmarried father of their child. These families are counted by the Census Bureau as single-parent families, although two adults are present. Still other families are counted as single-parent families if the parents are married, but one is away for an extended period, for example, on military deployment. The most common type of single-parent family is one that consists of a mother and her biological children. In 2002, 16.5 million or 23 percent of all children were living with their single mother. This group included 48 percent of all African-American children, 16 percent of all non-Hispanic white children, 13 percent of Asian/Pacific Islander children, and 25 percent of children of Hispanic origin. However, these numbers do not give a true picture of household organization, because 11 percent of all children were actually living in homes where their mother was sharing a home with an adult to whom she was not married. This group includes 14 percent of white children, 6 percent of African-American children, 11 percent of Asian/Pacific Islander, and 12 percent of Hispanic children. Households headed by a single father increased substantially after the early 1980s, reflecting society’s changing attitudes about the role of fathers in child rearing. In 1970, only 1 percent of children lived with a single father. In 2002, about 5 percent of children under age 18 lived with their single fathers. Single fathers, however, are much more likely to be divorced than never married and much more likely than single mothers to be sharing a home with an adult to whom they are not married. For example, 33 percent of Caucasian children lived with fathers who were unmarried but cohabiting with another adult. The rate was 29 percent for African-American children, 30 percent for Asian/Pacific Islanders, and 46 percent for children of Hispanic origin. It is clear that not all single-parent families are the same and that within different ethnic and racial groups, the number and type of single-parent families varies considerably. Adoption by single individuals has also soared. In 1970 only 0.5 to 4 percent of adoptive parents were single. In the 1980s this rate increased from 8 to 34 percent.

Meaning Of Single Mother A single mother also referred to as a “single mom” is an unmarried female aka single parent who has little to no support from the child/children’s father. In most cases the father is completely removed from her and the child’s life by choice or necessity and he provides minimal financial support. Single moms are mothers who are not in relationships and the biological father is typically absent from the day-to-day functions and responsibilities of the child’s upbringing. Even if the child’s father has 50/50 custody or visitation, if the woman is an unmarried mother and not in a committed relationship, she falls under the category of “single mom”. A single mom typically provides over 50% of the costs to raise and care for the dependent and can typically be considered head of household on taxes and can claim the child when filing.   

Positive Effect of Single Parenting

Most times, the negative effects of single-parent households are quite apparent; economic troubles and abandonment-related trust issues. But there are also positive effects on raising a child.

  1. Strong Mother-Child Bonding: Spending quality time with your little one creates a unique bond that will be stronger than the one if you were a nuclear parent. It goes well in the case of custodial parents (one who has sole physical custody of the child) and also non-custodial parents who play a significant role in their child’s lives.

2. Strong Sense of Community: As with the phrase discussed above “it takes a village to raise a child,” it works with single parent families as well. Children who have single parents will also have many supporters. Most cases, the extended family members will play a unique role in a child’s life. Single parents who do not live with their extended families will try participating in community groups which may include single parent support groups, synagogues and churches

3. Share Responsibilities: Children raised by single parents will not just have token responsibilities to do, but their contribution to the complete family system is necessary. In this way, children will understand the value of their contribution and can take pleasure in their work. However, there should be a clear parent-child structure and roles and responsibilities so the child doesn’t become responsible age inappropriately.

4. Maturity: Children will find their parents working hard, and it will force them to collaborate and work along with their parents. Additionally, the children will also learn to manage their disappointments in life. For children to have these skills, they still need guidance from their single parents. Hence, it’s still a collaboration between the parent and the child with clear boundary and structure.

5. Parental Role Modelling: Children brought up in single parent families will realize their importance in their parents’ lives. Let your children balance their needs with needs of the family. Teach them to consider other’s needs as well.

Negative Effects of Single Parenting

You cannot be the best mom out there, and there may be adverse effects as well. However, your style of parenting, attitude, perseverance, and support system should all go a long way minimizing negative effects like:

  1. Financial Troubles: Most single parents work long hours to meet the financial needs of the family. It is necessary to run the household and raise the children. There may be chances when you have to deny your kids from their requirements, and you may have to juggle repeatedly between financial commitments. Your child may thus be not able to take the opportunities he always dreamt of due to financial concerns.
  2. Low Parenting Quality: Your way of parenting suffers when many responsibilities add to your everyday life. Your long hours of working may make you miss your child’s important school functions. You may not afford a babysitter to take out some valuable down time. You may react more if you see your child being untidy. You may also disclose your personal, professional or financial issues with your child. But they will not have the maturity and emotional strength to deal with the situations so as to help you. Take out some time and find ways to have the individual time with each of your children. Have some me-time too; it doesn’t have to be long but may be enough for self-soothing.
  3. Children After a Divorce: If your reason for single parenting is divorce, your children will also suffer from adjustment problems or may have the feeling of being ashamed. If your partner stops looking out after your kids as he or she used to do before, your children may badly suffer resentment. There are also chances they still hold on to bad memories of your divorce. If you notice your child having trouble sleeping or experiencing problems at school, you should counsel her or take her for counselling. Parent should also spend time with the child and give child the space to grieve.
  4. Emotional Problems: Your children are likely to suffer from self-esteem problems. They may crave for affection, which they will not get enough because of your busy schedule. Thus, they may lose expectations in their relationships later in life. or they will actually have more expectation for affection and company down the road but that will not create a healthy dynamic.  They will take all the blame for their living conditions. It may be difficult for you to stop them from drawing comparisons, but you can help your children build self-regard. Things like acknowledging her when she has done something good and posting a card in her room about her worth will help build self-esteem. Another way to help children build self-esteem is let them take the lead in completing tasks with some challenges. Some single parents have the tender to jump in too quickly to help their children.
  5. Loneliness: It is another challenge most single parents face. They will not only be able to share their difficulties with their spouse but also cannot share their joys as well. If the parent is single because of spouse’s death or any tragedy, it will be even harder for the parent to bear all sorts of responsibilities.
  6. Adjustment Difficulties: Children will also face the issues along with their single parents. They may be a sense of loss, poverty and continuous exposure to parental arguments. While the parent’s sense of loss is because of the missing spouse, a child’s loss will be a guide or a protector. It will be tougher for children at their young age.

PARENTAL CONCERNS.

Being a single parent can be hard and lonely. There is often no other adult with whom to share decision-making, discipline, and financial responsibilities. The full burden of finding responsible childcare, earning a living, and parenting falls on one individual. However, the lack of a second parent often has a less negative impact on children than family instability, lack of structure, and inconsistent enforcement of parental standards. Single parents may want to follow these steps in order to create positive experiences for their children:

 

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